Moving!

So, I'm making a deeper commitment to this whole "Blog-Fog" and making a move! You can now find me at

http://www.lisagobrien.com/

Faith

This week I ran across a piece on faith that I wrote several years ago and remembered the conversation that it ignited and thought I'd share it today. I wrote this when we lived in England and I was going through a life and faith tranforming season. Reading it again for myself reminds me of a scripture that says there is nothing new under the sun. How true that is and this piece clearly demonstartes how cyclical life can be. It is strangely applicable, inspirational and motivational for my present season!

I recently read that the three most volatile subjects, the most responsible for wars and famines, are Money, Politics, and Religion. They divide relationships, countries, and families quicker than anything else. I have no intention of discussing any of the three in this particular writing! I do, however, intend to explore my own idea of faith, excluding all religion, money, and politics, from the mix! I really just want to explore the ever changing face of my own personal spiritual faith.

Faith is an individual expression of a person's soul. Faith looks as different to each individual as each face or fingerprint in the world. It is not something that can be bought in a box or sold to the masses. It is not something one is born with or inherits. It is acquired through whatever road this life takes you on! It is nurtured in the moments of sheer joy when you absolutely understand something of the Supernatural. It is developed in the moments of absolute pain, when tears wash away everything you ever thought you knew. It is gathered as you walk your pathway in life and meet souls along the way that teach you, inspire you, love you, hate you, support you, disagree with you, and accept you. It isn't something tangible or even always explainable. Faith is the connection of a flawed and hopeless human being to the Supernatural.

If my theory is anywhere near correct, then I find myself at a crossroads of faith. My pathway has taken me across a big wide ocean to a new country. My pathway has brought me to a place where I am encountering new people, new ideas, new culture, and new experiences. My spiritual journey has brought me to a place of new beginnings. It is requiring me to start over, to wipe away all that was my life and create again. Now, creating something, whether it is with words, a picture, art, drama, music, whatever....is something that gives me life! The idea now, at this crossroads of my life and faith, leaves me intimidated, fearful, and unsure.

When life has taken me to a place that I cannot navigate alone, this is exactly where my Faith must kick in! This is where my Faith works itself out, shows its true nature, and reveals its character. It is at the crossroads of my life that my faith has grown and matured. It reveals itself in the moment when I stand at the edge of the cliff deciding if I jump and find a new path or turn around and return to the road I was already traveling. It is at this point that my own personal faith chooses an intimate relationship with God, Creator of the universe.  This relationship excludes all religion and tradition, it simply strips away all the external nonsense and finds its way inside to the quiet recesses of my soul, where it is just me and God.

So, the state of my faith right now is a very intimate, raw, and honest conversation with the Almighty about my fear, intimidation, and uncertainty. I must admit, that because of my personality, it is more a really loud argument, negotiation, and persuasive speech.  The Almighty’s side of the conversation is a gentle whisper reassuring me that I can offer my soul at this crossroads and He will take care of it. I encountered a verse in the Bible this week that He is whispering in my ear over and over.  1 Peter 5:6 – “So be content with who you are, and don’t put on airs. God’s strong hand is on you, He’ll promote you at the right time. Live carefree before God, He is most careful with you.” And so, as I sit on the floor throwing, what in all practical sense amounts to a spiritual tantrum, He asks me to live carefree before Him and tells me He is most careful with me.

The antithesis to my Faith and intimate relationship with the Divine is my head. My head requires explanation, the big picture, logic, and reason. The spiritual seeker in me has to test, doubt, and question the very nature of a Supernatural being that would be so kind. What is He up to? What does He want? My faith and head are always at odds with each other. There is no logic or reason to much of our life, our journey, or our faith….that is why it is so difficult to work out! And it ALWAYS requires risk. Each act of individual faith requires me to take a risk, no matter which crossroads I find myself traveling. The risk is huge and overwhelming…risk of failing, being judged, being wrong, being right, being rejected, and too many more to list.

So the question of faith I am asking myself these days is, “Is it worth the risk?” I understand there are all sorts of very spiritual answers some may choose at this point. I can even name a few I am saying to myself! There are all sorts of pre-packaged religious and intellectual sayings and quotes that would seem to be an appropriate response to someone asking that question. But maybe the wiser response is to let the question hang in the air, dangling over the edge of this crossroads, and allow my Faith to work it out, in its own time and its own way. Just as each of you must work out your Faith on the journey your life has you on! I hope that you will each ask those same questions as you travel your journey.

Twenty-Seven

Are you kidding me? Twenty-Seven straight days of consistency and discipline in writing?! They say, (never have figured out who "they" are), anyway, they say that it takes forty days to create a habit...well, I'm almost there! I'm actually very surprised that I haven't thrown in the towel, walked away, or just given up. There may be hope for me yet, folks!!

Surrender

A difficult concept, no matter who you are or where you are from! If you have a military background, there is no place for surrender...ever! The white flag does not fly quickly or easily if your burden is pride. Alternatively, if addiction and recovery is your reality, surrender is necessary for freedom! There is no freedom from addiction, pain, guilt, or woundedness until there is surrender. It's strange to think about really, as it's so counter-intuitive. Step 3 of the 12 Steps says we made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understand Him. When an addict really wants freedom, the odd catch is that we also want control at the same time. The reality is in order to receive desired freedom, a willing choice to surrender is the only way.

God has a funny way of crafting our journies to lovingly ensure that we have opportunities to work out life's lessons that bring growth! My journey has recently taken an unexpected turn and, while I intitially did not see it as "an opportunity for growth", my perspective has changed. I desire more freedom, more growth, and more strength in my life. I desire less fear, less intimidation, and less frustration. Recognizing what I already know....in order to receive those things, I have to make a desicion to willingly surrender. I have to let go of my desire to control and to keep things safe and I have to choose to surrender. The act and choice of letting go brings me the very thing I desire. The chaos of this reality is that to get what I want I have to do the one thing I don't want...did you get that?! It's enough to do a girl's head in, really.

So today, I want to surrender....although, if I'm being honest, some days I really only want to want to surrender. The battle is my own. It's me against myslef, one part of me fighting to let go and trust and one part fighting to hang on and control. Today, I give the trusting part of myself the greatest power and willingly turn my will over to God. He's always a far better pilot and navigator on this jounrey of life! Bring on the freedom!

Perspective

Today, I'm thinking a lot about perspective. We were in New York last week and I, of course, had my camera at the ready everywhere we went. It was interesting thinking about the city from different perspectives. At the base of the Empire State building it was busy, noisy, smelly, and dirty. I took a photograph of the building from the street and the perspective was architecturally interesting. But, once we were on top, the whole world changed. The city went on forever and seemed to be frozen still, as if there was nothing moving on the street. It was strangely peaceful, clean, and quiet. The photographs I took from that perspective were breathtaking. The contrast between the two perspectives was astonishing!

I'm pondering that experience today and seeing how applicable it is to my own life. I can stand on the street of my life and hear the noise, be distracted by the smells, and be swallowed up by all the motion. That perspective leaves me feeling frustrated, defeated, and overwhelmed. I realize that I also have the choice to take the elevator to the top! I can choose to view my life from a more divine perspective, where my future goes on forever, and things on the street seem still, and where there is calm and peace.

A change in perspective today can bring me closer to peace, closer to freedom, and closer to beauty. It can also bring a change in the way I view myself, my life, and others! What about you? Do you need to take an elevator ride to the top of your life and view it from a different perspective?

Bucket List

Someone recently wrote me and suggested that I include an entry on my Bucket List. Great idea, Thanks! :)I've never made an "official" Bucket List, so now seems as good a time as any. If I had created a Bucket List years ago, some of the things on that list I've had the tremendous priveledge to have already crossed off. So, here goes:

    Stand in the Sistine Chapel
X Go on Safari in Africa
    Walk the Great Wall of China
X Visit Westminster Abbey
     Sky Dive
X  See the Mona Lisa in the Louvre
    Witness a baby being born (not my own)
X  Go to the Olympics
     Visit Pearl Harbor
X  Live in a foreign country
     Travel to Israel
X  Deep sea fishing
     Write a book
X  See the Queen of England
     Travel to every continent
X  Visit Paris
     Teach my kids to drive
X  See the Statue of Liberty
    Visit Australia
X Travel to Ireland
    Polar Bear Safari in Canada
X Go to Barcelona
    Visit the Taj Mahal
X Enjoy Chocolate in Belgium
    Travel to Venice

I'm sure I can think of lots more, but I will ponder these for now! Good thing I'm still young! ;)

Deepest Fear

Marianne Williamson wrote something that has profoundly impacted my world. I think that there are lots of layers to it and I certainly haven't come to a place where I fully understand it or live it out in my life. I have a very deep desire for this to be true of me....someday!

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

This poem is framed in my office and I see it daily. Sometimes I just see it as a nice motivation or needed inspiration. But today, I feel the need to let it sink a bit deeper into my soul and begin to transform some very needed parts of me. It seems a natural instinct for me to want to shrink back and to "play small" in order not to intimidate others. I've found that a positive quality, although the reality is sinking in that it may not serve as positive a purpose as I had once thought. I've experienced that ego and arrogance lead to only selfishness, greed, and violence and none of those things improve the world around me. Contemplation leads me to the next line ("We are all meant to shine as children do) and the reality that I'm pretty certain I did not shine as a child sits sort of heavy on my heart. I had to grow up very quickly and the light of childhood and innocence was snuffed out far too quickly. I have watched my children shine everyday for 15 years and don't often see them shrink back or play small. I long to be liberated from my fear, to live each day motivated and driven by love. What a joy it would be to wake up with the freedom and permssion to let my light shine freely into the world around me! If that were to give others permission to be liberated and shine in their own unique way, it would just be an added bonus, really!

I will continue to grow through this journey and hopefully begin to discover more fully how to live this out day by day! What does it look like for you to SHINE to the world around you? Are there people who can be liberated by your presence?